Sunday, April 22, 2018

My Dearest Celeste

I haven't written to you in a while, or really about you even. You would be 9 right about now. I'm not entirely sure what it is that made me want to write to you now. Of course today was your due date. While I do think of you daily, this is the day that you're definitely not far from my thoughts at all. Wonder what you would have been like, what you would have liked, what you would have disliked. Would you want to have participated in our girl day of manicures with your oldest sister and baby sister, or preferred to skip it like your older sister? Would you love to read and write, or work with your hands? What would your relationship be like with your siblings? I wonder how different things would have turned out if we hadn't lost you. I guess I've been doing a lot of reflection lately on things. What would have happened if we followed a different road or more to the point someone else had followed a different road. Perhaps that is why I felt the need to write to you now. All of those what could have beens.

We can't go back though, all we can do is go forward. While I will probably always wonder what could have been and who you could have been I will just have to go on. There was a reason I didn't get to be your mother here on earth, and someday in the hopefully very distant future we will meet again and perhaps some of my questions will be answered. I will continue to look for signs though that you are always with us, always in my heart, always on my mind, always watching over us. I miss you Angel Celeste Alia. I love you.