Happy 11th Birthday Alyssa

 Alyssa,

 Double ones on 2/2/22, what a fun birthday you have, in so many ways. I hope you had tons of fun today. You sure are loved, that is very obvious. I hope you know that and felt that today and every day. 

So fun one, what do you think of 11? I have some hopes for you as you go through this next year. I hope you keep being adventurous and trying new things. I hope you get to spend time with friends and family more this year after the last two years of mostly being stuck at home. I hope you get to have a fun and memorable end to your time in elementary school this year. I hope you can start middle school in the fall in a more normal way than school has been for you over the last few years. I hope you keep finding ways to make your own fun.

I am so glad I have gotten to be your mother for these last 11 years. I'm looking forward to what the next 11 years and beyond of your life are going to bring for you and us. I see so many bright things for your future. You are going to do great things.

Happy 11th birthday Lissy. We love you.

Love always,

Mommy

Happy 14th Birthday CJ

 Dear CJ,

Happy Birthday Mr. Awesome. For the last 14 years you have been bringing so much joy and happiness to our lives. Watching you grow has been truly bittersweet because while I want to spend as much time as possible with you I also love seeing you overcome every obstacle.

People tell me all the time what a great kid you are. And it's so true. You are polite, you are funny, and you are a hard worker. Such great qualities which will take you so far in life.

I am so proud of what you are accomplishing this year. I know I drive you crazy always reminding you how important it is to do well in school so you can make your dreams come true, and you have truly stepped up to that challenge this year. I don't know why I was worried you wouldn't do it. Keep up the hard work kiddo, I promise you it will take you far in life. 

The world needs more people like you in it. I'm just so happy I get to be along for the ride. I hope 14 is a great year for you. The best is yet to come in life, kiddo. Remember, don't have a good day, have a GREAT day! I love you always and forever. Happy birthday, CJ.

Love always,

Mommy

Happy 20th Birthday Natalie

Dear Natalie,

Well, it's finally here, the day you have been waiting for, to be able to officially say you are not a teenager. Funny how you always hated growing older and now you are trying to rush all this growing up all at once. Don't be in such a big hurry to be an "adult". If you think you are stressing now about how to pay for things, just wait until you do have all of those housing responsibilities and you don't know how you're going to pay for food. There's no need to rush this. It will all happen in time and hopefully when you're more financially ready to take it on, and then you'll be wishing you could go back to when things were simpler and you didn't have all these bills to worry about.

We always want what's best for you and want to keep you from having to struggle as much as we can. It's not that we don't want you to grow up, it's that we don't want you to jump into things you are not ready for yet.

Do not ever settle. You deserve to have the best of everything and the best from everyone. Someone who can accept you for who you are and all of you just as you come.

I will always be with you. I am the whisper in the leaves as you walk down the street, the smell of your favorite foods, the scent of life itself. I was your first love, your first friend, and even your first enemy. Nothing on this earth can separate us though. Not time, not space, and not even death.

I hope 20 is everything you thought it would be and all of your dreams come true. Happy birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Happy 17th Birthday Kaitlyn

Dear Kaitlyn,

Happy birthday! What a crazy rough emotional year it has been for you. In case you didn't know this I am super proud of how you have handled everything. You have been faced with some very difficult situations that many adults in your same circumstance wouldn't have handled with the amount of maturity and strength that you have. And that makes me so proud, and probably a lot relieved as your mom to know as you continue to take these steps towards independence that you are going to be just fine.

I do hope when you look back on 16 though that you can remember the good times more than the bad ones. While each moment (the good and the bad) will shape who you are, I do hope you have some fond memories of things that have happened this year.

Going forward continue showing your strength and maturity. Remember, you can do whatever you put your mind to and no one including some immature insecure little boys can stop you. You are going places kid. Just believe in yourself and the amazing talents and abilities you have. Tackle everything you come across with that wonderful kind, giving personality of yours and your beautiful smile. You will in the end always come out on top so long as you do that.

I hope 17 is a great year for you and you have infinitely more ups this year than you have downs. Reach for the stars Kiddles, I know you can do it!

Love always,

Mommy

Happy 19th Birthday Natalie

Dear Natalie,

This is a rough year for us, and probably the hardest birthday letter I have had to write to you to date. And probably not for the reasons you think. I love you so much and I hate the wedge that has come between us. Maybe it's all a part of growing up and spreading your wings. Probably mostly because I have a hard time letting go. I can't bear to see you hurt and yet it feels like I'm also the one that keeps causing you pain. Maybe someday you'll get where I'm coming from, I'm hoping sooner rather than later of course. I really just want you to be happy and a successful productive member of society. And as shocking as it may be I do know a thing or two. I know it's hard to step out of your comfort zone and just bite the bullet and go for it, but sometimes that's what you have to do to have all of those life experiences that you want.

We are so very much alike in so many ways, which is part of why we probably fight so very hard. The path that you are walking down is a very similar one to what I took. And while I would never change a thing about the choices I have made in life, I also don't want you to follow in my footsteps just because I wouldn't change anything about my life. You can have everything you want if you can find a nice even keel balance. And sometimes that might mean saying no to the person you want to disappoint the least right now. If he truly loves you, then he should understand and want to support you.

For the last 19 years now I have advocated for you to make sure that no one ever takes you for granted and that they will see what I know is inside of you. And guess what Kiddo, I'm not going to stop now just because you are an adult. Face it, you are stuck with me. No one will know you the way that I do. No one else knows the story of you the way that I do. And no one else will ever love you the way that I do. You are a piece of my heart walking outside of my body and I will fight fiercely to make sure that you are treated right. I do have room in my heart to open up to that special someone in your life, but you have got to give me a fair shake and not put us in uncomfortable positions where I feel like I, and therefore you (because you are a piece of my heart) are being disrespected.

While you are trying to figure out your place in life please don't lose yourself in the process. Remember the things that have always been important to you. It doesn't have to be one or the other, you can have it all. Sacrifices will have to be made, but never forget your values and where you come from. I was at this story from the very beginning, and I won't see it through to the end, but please let me be there with you until my end.

I love you. Happy 19th birthday Nat!

Love always,
Mommy

Happy Sweet 16 Kaitlyn

Dear Kaitlyn,

How is it that you are 16? I can't believe it. It has been a pleasure being your mother and watching you learn and grow. You have been an amazing advocate for yourself especially this year at school and really have kept yourself on the right track. I'm so proud and very relieved to know that you got this. And always know I will also always have your back. So if you're ever "not getting your way" (ha-ha) you know who to call on. I will take on anyone who's not treating you right or doing for you what you deserve.

I know things around here have been very crazy and tense lately. It's not your job though to fix things that have been happening at home lately. I appreciate and love you so much that you want to make things easier for me, but I know everything will work out just the way it's supposed to. I might get mad and yell and scream and maybe even complain about what's happening, but it's not something you need to be worried about. You just keep being you and working your butt off to get whatever you want.

The sky is the limit for you. I can't wait to see what the next two years of high school are going to bring for you and beyond. I have no doubt that whatever you want to happen you will make happen for yourself though and you'll do it with courage and conviction never losing who you are. Keep dreaming big and pushing hard. You keep breaking those glass ceilings and showing people that when you put your mind to something you will make it happen!

Happy sweet 16 Katie Kiddles. I hope it's everything you wanted.

Love,
Mommy

Alyssa's 7th Birthday

Dear Alyssa,

Seven years sure goes by fast, probably because you're the fun one as you so hysterically like to tell us. And truth be told, it has been a fun ride with you up to this point. Not only are you funny, but your quick wit and amazing imagination keeps us on our toes. We never know what it is you're going to say. You are a shining star and you let everyone who meets you know it.

The sky is the limit for you my dear sweet daughter. Whatever you do I am sure you will be smiling and making others laugh. Never let anyone take that gift away from you. Just keep on being you, shine bright, and don't ever let anyone stifle your creativity and imagination.

Always know Daddy and I love you forever and always no matter what. We will never stop. Looking forward to what the next seven years and beyond is going to be like with you. Happy seventh birthday my beautiful girl, I hope it has been everything you imagined it could be.

Love always,
Mommy

Happy 15th Birthday

Dear Kaitlyn,

Happy birthday, you're halfway to 30, or a quarter of the way to 60. I know you have been excitedly anticipating me declaring that you made it to halfway to 30. So there it is kiddo.

This year has been full of changes for you. You're really maturing and coming into your own and I love watching you do what you do. You are fearless and I'm always in awe of you. I'm enjoying this ride we're on together and watching you as you plan your future and make hard choices seemingly easily. It's not easy to abandon something you dreamed of for so long and try something that you never even imagined it was for you. I think I was more nervous about this decision than you were though. You have taken it and run with it and you're doing great. I really look forward to seeing all the things that you do.

If I had one piece of advice for you it would be don't be so hard on yourself. You sometimes can be your toughest critic. You have skills and people recognize that. Believe that they are right and keep showing your naysayers what you got. Because when you put your mind to something you will always shock and amaze people. You do for me all the time. I'm so proud of you.

I hope 15 is a great year for you. I'm looking forward to our day together of ear piercing, haircuts, lunch, and painting. Happy 15th birthday Kaitlyn. I love you.

Love,
Mommy

Happy 9th Birthday CJ

Dear CJ,

Wow! Nine years! You my boy are everything I ever could have dreamed for in a son. You are kind, loving, handsome, and funny. I love getting to share Met's baseball with you. Seeing the excitement in your eyes when we go to a game. I love watching you play baseball even more. I hope you enjoy playing it as much as I'm enjoying watching you play baseball.

As much as I hate to admit it you're a preteen now. This is going to begin to open up a whole new world for you. I want you to know you will always be my baby boy no matter how big you get. Even if you are taller than me, which yes, you probably will be, both of your sisters are.

I hope nine is an amazing year for you. Filled with lots of fun and excitement. I know there are big changes for us on our horizon with Natalie graduating and going to college and our plan of moving to Florida in the summer. I know it's going to be hard for you to say goodbye to your friends, but I know you'll make new ones. You are such a smart and friendly little boy and anyone who wouldn't want to be your friend is a fool.

Whatever you do stay awesome kiddo. I love you and hope this birthday is the best one yet.

Love,
Mommy

Happy 5th Birthday Alyssa!

Dear Alyssa,

Well, the day finally arrived. The much anticipated 5th birthday. Perhaps this day wasn't all you expected it to be. I mean you're not five feet tall yet. But I hope it was a good day.

So now you're five. Really just like one of the big kids. You have been embracing this all. Growing and learning so many new things. You have overcome every challenge you have been thrown in life with a beautiful smile on your face.

I'm really looking forward to seeing what this year brings for you. Well, honestly, I always look forward to hearing what crazy thing you're going to say next. You are always making everyone laugh with your over-the-top sayings. I never know what you'll come up with next. You keep me on my toes with your spunk and zest for life.

As much as I would love to keep you little forever, I know so many great things are to come for you. So I hope you keep putting yourself out there and trying new things with lots of fun and laughter. Life is better when you're laughing and you make everyday a better day with your sense of humor.

Happy 5th birthday to my sweet baby girl. Fly high little one.

Love,
Mom

Happy 4th Birthday Alyssa

Dear Alyssa,

Wow! 4 years! I can't believe it has been 4 years since you made your surprise entrance into this world a day earlier than expected, preserving our family birthdays of 1's and 2's. You must have known my secret obsession with numbers and patterns. I mean really, you couldn't have picked a better day to be born either, at least number wise.

This has been a really big year for you. You started school this year. And as I suspected you are a very well liked and very bright little girl. Starting to sing your ABC's and learning how to spell your name. S is your favorite letter, good thing there are two of those in your name.

You have been navigating friendships and really coming out of your shell. One thing I will caution you against is don't be so quick to want to do and have everything your friends do and have. You have a mind of your own and a spectacularly brilliant style. Let it shine and always be you. That fun loving sassy and sweet little girl, who has a knack for driving us crazy while simultaneously making us laugh. I never want you to lose that about yourself.

I can't wait to see what this year is going to bring for you as you continue to learn many new things. I love you my sweet little monkey and I hope today and the whole year are filled with happiness and plenty of laughs and smiles.

Love always,
Mommy

Happy 7th Birthday CJ

Dear CJ,

All my life I dreamed of the day I would have children. I always wanted a son, but you turned out to be way more than I could have ever dreamed for. You are always making me laugh with the things you say and do.

This year you have begun to love the sport of baseball with me. Well, more importantly the Mets. I love that we can share that together.

This has been such a big year for you. Going to school all day long, but you have handled it with stride. I on the other hand still miss you like crazy everyday and find myself anxiously awaiting your arrival home. We don't get special lunch dates together very often anymore, but when we do it's time that I truly cherish with you.

As you grow older my wish for you is that you remain courteous and funny. Keep making people laugh, but choose that time wisely. Don't you ever give up on things that are tough for you. The reward I promise you will be great.

Keep asking questions and sharing that beautiful mind of yours with others. Give of yourself freely and always know that I am here for you if you ever need me for anything. I will love you no matter what you do, even if you spend the rest of your days in 1st grade on orange. Still, continue to work hard to make the right choices which make me smile. But don't do it for me, do it for you to make yourself smile.

Have a great 7th birthday and whatever you do, don't eat too much pizza!

I love you with all of my heart CJ.

Love always,
Mommy

Happy 15th Birthday Natalie

Dear Natalie,
Wow, 15 years!  Halfway to 30!  Have I reminded you of that fact enough today?  Don't worry, one day you'll get to do the same to your kids.  Just like Grandma did to me.

This has been a great year, don't you think?  You have really grown and come out of your shell.  You were so nervous about high school, but it turned out to be pretty amazing and I love seeing you try some new things.  Keep spreading your wings.  As much as you might want to stay little forever, I probably want it even more.  Shocking as that may be to you it's true.

The thing is you have to grow up and be on your own.  Don't worry, it won't be so bad.  You have a really good head on your shoulders so I do see good things for you.  But you have to be willing to get out there and try.  Don't worry so much about messing up.  It's going to happen and Daddy and I will be here for you always.

So go out into the world, have fun with your friends, and laugh a lot.  Make lots of memories, but do it while keeping your nose clean.

And in case you are wondering, I really enjoy our dates to Moe's this year.  It has been a lot of fun.  I know you would agree.  Happy 15th birthday to you my first born!  I love you very very much.

Love always,
Mommy

Happy 12th Birthday Kaitlyn

Dear Kaitlyn,
So this is your last year being a "kid".  Next year you will be a teenager!  I'm not even sure if you're excited about that or not.  Truth be told, I'm not.

As we have been approaching your birthday I have been thinking, where has the time gone?  It just seems to be going by so fast.  I am so happy with the choices you have made so far with your life though.  I think you might be one of the bravest kids I know.

I know it was hard for you to leave behind your friends this year to go to a school that is so far away from home.  And you so easily could have just given me this one year and not really put any effort into actually liking it, but instead you have made the most of it.  You instantly made new friends while maintaining your old friendships.  You have gotten up before the sunrise every day without fail to get on that bus and make that long ride to school.  Leaving before everyone and getting home later than everyone.

It's such a long day, but you have embraced it and you are doing what it is that you always do.  Impressing everyone you meet with your work ethic, grit, and determination.  Not to mention your extremely generous heart.

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever teach you anything more.  You have taught me so much about life and how to just roll with the punches and never give up.

There is still something I can teach you and remind you of all the time though.  That generous heart of yours, protect it!  Keep giving it out to people freely, but do be careful.  Don't give away so much that you lose yourself.  By this I mean, don't be so eager to please everyone that you forget to take care of you.  I always tell everyone how much like me Natalie is, but one area that you are like me is that need to please everyone.  And I'm here to tell you it comes at a price.  So put yourself first sometimes, don't be afraid to tell people no if you need to.  Especially if it's something you know would be the wrong thing to do.  If someone really is your friend and truly loves you, then they'll love you even if you tell them no to something.  So don't forget that.

Keep on smiling, I love seeing your beautiful smiley face.  I hope your last year as an official "big kid" is a great one!  I love you, happy birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Happy 3rd Birthday Alyssa

Dear Alyssa,
Wow, I can't believe 3 years has passed since you were born.  I never even thought you would be, but here you are with your beautiful smiling face telling everyone you're 6 instead of 3.  Oh you silly girl, please stop growing up so fast.  I wish I could keep you small forever, but alas that is just not possible.

So many changes have happened for you recently.  The biggest of all being starting school.  I know you wish I could be there with you and believe me I wish I could too, but this is something you have got to do on your own.  I promise it won't be so bad and I will come get you every day.  I could never forget about you.

I love how you are developing so many of your very own interests.  And I love how much you look up to all of your older siblings.  They are a good bunch for you to look up to too.  Usually won't steer you in the wrong direction so make sure you listen to them.

Your excitement for so many things is so refreshing.  You make me excited about things I never gave a second though to before.

I love being your mother so much.  I never know what crazy things you're going to say next.  Such a smart and beautiful little girl.  I love you to the moon and back again baby girl.  I hope you had a great 3rd birthday.

I love you!

Love,
Mommy

CJ's Birthday Letter

Note: It seems the only time now I am updating this blog is for birthday letters.  Sorry about that, things have been crazy.  But this is the best place for me to keep these letters to the kids.  Guess what!  CJ's 6 today!

Dear CJ,
I cannot believe you are six years old!  You have been looking forward to this day for a while though.  So here we are.  Six whole years old.  What can I say?  You make me laugh and smile every single day.  Don't ever lose that sense of humor or imagination.

I have watched you overcome so much in your short life.  You have always done it with a great deal of determination.  It really should never come as a surprise to me what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it.  But it does every time.  So Kindergarten wasn't your thing last year, but this year you are killing it.  You have made up your mind to do certain things and have just done it.  I love that so much about you.

I worried that this was going to be a difficult year for you socially having to watch your friends all go forward without you.  But you have embraced it and made new friends while still managing to hold onto the old ones.  You really are an inspiration.

I couldn't imagine my life without you in it brightening it up.  Every day I wonder what is he going to say to make me laugh today?  What a wonderful gift you have been.  I love and cherish you always and wish you the best 6th birthday any little boy has ever had.  I hope all your dreams and wishes come true now and forever.

I love you CJ guy more than you'll ever know.  Happy 6th Birthday!

Love,
Mommy

Letter To Natalie

Dear Natalie,
My first born.  We get all of our firsts together.  That's pretty special you know.  And you are going through a very exciting time in your life right now.  I'm loving watching you make decisions for your future.  The next four years are going to be ultra important as you know.  Everyone keeps telling you that.

But there's something I don't think anyone has told you yet, not even me.  The next four years are important for us and our relationship.  We only have this short time together and we need to make it good and memorable.  Now don't get me wrong, I will still be telling you what to do.  You will not be getting away with anything.  But I will try my hardest to remember that time is fleeting and we have to make the most of it and have fun.

I need your help though.  I need you to come to me when you think I'm getting too distracted with everything else and you need me the most.  Sometimes other things can get in the way, but if you need time with just me let me know, we will schedule it.  Please be patient though.

I also want you to do something else.  I want you to stop being so afraid to try something new.  I want you to experience things.  I want you to go on dates with boys, to go to the park with your girlfriends, and to try new things.  This is the only time in your life you really get to throw caution to the wind.  Do it!  Don't look back and think; where did that time go?  You don't know if you like something until you try.  So get yourself out there and explore new things and have fun.  Don't worry so much about what other people do and think.  They aren't important.  You are!

That's the best advice I can give you at this time my beautiful girl.  You are already a huge success in my eyes.  Keep up the hard work.  The skies the limit for you.  I love you.  Thanks for giving me the gift of motherhood 14 years ago today.  Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mom

Happy 4 Year Due Date-iversary Angel Celeste Alia

Today marks 4 years since I was due with Celeste.  It's also of course Natalie's 14th birthday so you get two blog posts from me on here today.  Come back oh around 11:17 p.m. tonight to read Natalie's letter (I always schedule them for the time when they were born).

Normally I would write a letter to Celeste like the rest of the kids, but I'm going to do something a little different this year.  Back in December on Monica's Mom Musings I introduced Celeste to the world, but I never officially did it here.  So I want to give you all an opportunity to meet her.

Now I'm hesitant about doing this here because when I shared Celeste's story I had an anonymous commenter come and question the validity of Celeste's existence.  Accused me of playing things up for drama.  I almost shared her picture then, but the time wasn't right.  I wasn't going to be doing it for the right reasons.  It was simply going to be to prove a point to some anonymous person and I didn't need her validation if she didn't even have the courage to give me her real name.  So I kept it to myself for the most part.

I am in a good place now with my grief.  Not a day goes by that I do not think of Celeste and obviously some days more than others.  But the experience has taught me a lot and it has given me some truly wonderful friends along the way and shown me who my true friends are.  I came out with her picture because I realized that not sharing her like I do the rest of my children wasn't doing anything for her or my family.  People forget.  I don't want Celeste to be forgotten because she is so much a part of me.  To know her is to know me.  And to know her you have to see that she is real. 

She might be gone, but she is not forgotten.  So without further ado please say hello to my angel baby Celeste Alia.  Born sleeping on December 6, 2008.  Due date April 22, 2009.

 

Don't forget to come back later for Natalie's birthday letter.

Happy 11th Birthday Kaitlyn

Dear Kaitlyn,
Boy oh boy, where do I start?  You're 11 years old!  It feels like just yesterday you joined our family, but here you are growing and changing and turning into this amazingly smart and independent young lady.

I know you are hesitant about going to this new school next year, but I really think you are going to love it.  I admire that you can give me a year to try it without much objection.  I know you will give it your all and I really can't wait to see what you will try out there.

You haven't shied away from a challenge yet so whatever you do, don't start now.  This is your time.  Your chance to try out new things that we could only dream of for you and you're going to do great and shine like the star that you are.

I am really looking forward to what this next year is going to bring for you and watch you really come into your own.  It has been an amazing 11 years with you and you are growing and maturing every day.  I can only imagine what the next 11 years will bring for you, but you know the skies the limit for you and no matter what you do or where you are you will be a success and you will be loved.

So happy birthday to you Katie Kittles.  I love you!

Love,
Mom

Happy 2nd Birthday Alyssa

Dear Alyssa,
I can't believe you are 2 already.  It feels like just yesterday I was pregnant with you.  Now here you are growing more and more independent by the day.  This is a little bittersweet for me as you're my last baby.

I love watching you grow and learn new things, but at the same time it's all going too fast.

You are such a sweet loving little girl.  You are also very particular about things.  If things aren't just the way you want them, then you definitely let us know.

You are fiercely smart.  Figuring out your shape sorters in record time.  You might even be better at cleaning things up and following instructions (when you want to that is) than your siblings.

I know you want to keep up with your older siblings, but please slow down.  You don't need to do everything they are doing.  There will be plenty of time for that.

I want you to know baby girl, that you will always be my baby.  And I might hold onto you a little tighter than the rest, but it's only because I never want it to end.  Having you be a part of our family for the past two years has been a complete blessing and I am grateful every day to have you in my life.

I hope you had tons of fun for your birthday.  Thank you for bringing tons of laughs and smiles to us all.  I love you baby girl.

Happy Birthday Alyssa!

Love,
Mommy