We're Home

Celeste Alia was born at 12:35 a.m. December 6th. She was very tiny and very bruised. They did an amnio on me before everything and the fluid was not clear it was more brown in color. The doctor thought it was blood and thought it was a possible placenta abruption, but I didn't have any pain so it didn't really add up.

Around 5:15 last night they had put something in my cervix to help me dilate. It didn't appear that I was having contractions on the monitor, but I was definitely feeling something by 9 at night. Mostly just some cramping. It got worse around 11 though and progressed quickly. It was one on top of the other, but again the monitor wasn't picking them up so I don't think they thought I was that bad. They offered me a sleeping pill with some pain meds in it around 11:30. I took that, but it did not help at all. It was getting worse. I didn't know how long it would take to take effect. I waited as long as I could before finally calling around midnight. They decided to have the doctor come in and check me. I was about 2 centimeters dilated. Now of course I didn't have to go the full 10 with this being a 20 weeker. But they indicated that I still had a ways to go. So they offered me some Dilotin (sp?) which I took. Right after she put that in my IV I felt like I had to use the bathroom. So Joe helped me to the bathroom and I sat down and started to go. I felt this burning sensation and thought this isn't right so I stopped myself. I told Joe and he ran to get the nurse, but she was too late. I had Celeste in the toilet. She was still in the placenta and everything. So they got her out and brought her across the hall to check her all out and the doctor came back to talk to us.

It appears to be a cord accident. There was no knot in the cord, but the cord was kind of pinched really tight right by where it attached to her. It also could be a chromosome defect. They took tons of samples and of course the amniotic fluid so we still could get more answers. The doctor doesn't believe that if there was a chromosome defect that it's hereditary just based on the fact that we have 3 normal healthy other children. She did say she passed a while ago which was probably why the amniotic fluid was the color it was.

I am doing okay. I have pictures of Celeste and I did hold her this morning. I woke up kind of in a fog thinking this whole thing was a dream, but then realized I had blood all over me and it was all true and I had this overwhelming urge to hold her. So we did that. We had her baptized by the chaplain at the hospital. He was very nice and told us that we now have our own angel watching over us. And that while we'll always remember her as a baby in heaven she's actually grown. And when we go to heaven she'll be there waiting for us and we'll know exactly who she is as soon as we see her. We are having her cremated and are hoping to do some sort of service. We haven't finished making all of the arrangements though. So needless to say it's been a whirlwind and probably when it's all said and done I will be a wreck.

But I did want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time. Everything went as smoothly as could be expected. The girls actually even surprised me. Kaitlyn mostly and wanted to see her. Kaitlyn, who didn't really like the idea of being a big sister again, really found her to be cute and she seems a tad upset that she didn't live. Natalie has been full of questions which luckily so far I think I have been able to answer for her.