Tuesday, December 7, 2010

One day you'll have a child just like you!

Then you'll see...

Did your mom ever say something like that to you. I'm sure mine did. Or maybe she did it secretively hoping that one day this light bulb would go off in my head. I don't know. I got it in my first born. And I've known that she's just like me for a very long time. And we have been butting heads for a very long time. And now that she's a preteen it is getting worse.

My head is spinning most days. She's just like me, but yet I can't figure out what goes on in that head of hers sometimes.

We have been having a battle of wills lately over school. This has been a huge concern. You know everyday I find myself saying the same things my mother used to say to me. You know those things you swore you'd never say or do to your kids? Yup, that's me. I'm turning around waiting to see my mother. Nope, she's not there. Those words DID just come out of MY mouth! Egads!

Now don't get me wrong. I had a good mother. With her flaws like everyone. I've got my short comings too as a parent. We are after all only human. But hey, I've managed to survive in society for 32 years now. Never been in any major trouble. I would say I've been a productive person. And yes, some of the honors for that does have to go to my mom. She taught me right from wrong and how to apply myself. Work through things that are tough for me. Even though I know I fought her on it much of the way. So it's really not a bad thing to be like my mother.

Days like today have my sitting here though wondering how did I get here with my own daughter? It's a right of passage I suppose. She's trying to separate herself from me. I'm trying to hold on because I know I haven't taught her everything I have to teach her. But really why do we have to battle every single day???

You would think that after doing what I fought for her to do and getting a 100 on her Social Studies test that she might say hey maybe my mom does know what she's talking about. But nope, here we are yet again fighting over how prepared she is for a test.

And here I am again remembering back to the fights I had with my mom. I thought she didn't understand me. And really in a way I don't think she could understand me. I was or rather am a shy person. My mom on the other hand is not. That is one of the personality traits that Natalie inherited from me. So I do get how hard it is for her to ask a teacher for help when she doesn't get something. And I have worked very hard as her mother to show her you can overcome that shyness about things. Things that always seemed to come so naturally to my mother never have for me and I have to work hard at them. But that's true of everyone. And I try to get Natalie to understand that there are things some are strong in and things that we have to work harder at. Raising her hand in class and not worrying about giving the wrong answer is something she has to work at. Getting up in front of a crowd of parents and talking about the PTA is something I had to work at. It still makes me turn red in the face and get the jitters.

I guess for now I will have to take comfort in knowing that one day she will have a child just like her. And then she'll go oh yeah that's what mom was talking about. I get it now. And I just want to say to my mom, I get it now Mom! I have gotten it for a while now, but everyday is a reminder of what you were trying to tell me for all of those years.