Who's 50 Something and Who's Almost 30 Something?

Many of you are aware of the issues I have with my parents. It's been a difficult few years with them and this April everything has come to a head and I put my foot down finally and said no more. You can read all about what happened then here. I hadn't heard anything for a while so I figured I would send some pictures which I have been doing all along actually with a little update of what's going on with each of the kids. Here are the e-mails back and forth between my mom and me. My responses are in blue and my moms are in red. Can you tell who's almost 56 and who's turning 30 this year?

I have some pictures of the kids. I was going to send you some from the past few days, but I think Aunt Lynn already sent those to you so here are ones that I hadn't uploaded to Shutterfly when I sent those other ones out:

They are from Kaitlyn's Kindergarten Celebration.
Inserted link to photos here.

The kids are doing well.

The last day of school was yesterday (Tuesday).

Natalie passed to 4th grade with flying colors. She's a super reader and doing great in math, but needs to slow down and check her work. She recently had a recorder concert at school. Here's the video from that:

linked to the video here.

At the end of the year they had the 3rd graders listen to different instruments and choose the sounds they liked and Natalie liked the clarinet. So if she does band next year that's likely the instrument she'll be learning to play.

Kaitlyn is moving on to 1st grade. She had a wonderful report card. She really improved in her reading and got herself to grade level. We're very proud of her. Math is her strong suit. Here's the video from her Kindergarten Celebration on Friday:

Inserted link to video here.

CJ is gaining weight great. He's almost at 17 pounds. He's getting so big. He's still not really rolling or sitting up so we have started Physical Therapy through Birth to Three with him. Also I have a consultation for him in Clinton with Cranial Technologies to find out if he'll need a helmet to reform his flattened head. We are also waiting to see if he gets chicken pox now as I have come down with a pretty bad case of the Shingles. I've been assured by his doctor that it won't be bad for him if he gets the chicken pox at his age and it's probably better for him.

So that is what's going on with the kids lately. They are happy that the summer is here. Next week starts swimming lessons and the library's summer reading program. The girls are looking forward to both.

Monica

It's just so sad that Natalie and Kaitlyn didn't have their grandparents at their events. I remember when you were little and had an event how your used to wish that your grandmother could be there. Unfortunately she lived too far away. It used to break my heart that you couldn't have that wish. I wonder if Natalie and Kaitlyn have that wish. And if they do what do you tell them? We don't live that far away that we couldn't be there but oh yeah we weren't invited because our daughter doesn't want to have a relationship with us. My heart breaks again. I dream of you every single night and I wake up during the night and find that it is only a dream not reality. The reality is when people ask me about my grandchildren and I can't say anything because I don't know. It's really going to be sad for CJ because he will never know his grandparents at all. At least Natalie and Kaitlyn might have some memories of us. I guess they can tell their little brother about us if they are allowed to talk about us. It's a good thing for you that we allowed you to go to college in Florida so you could spend time with your grandmother before she died. But maybe that was bad judgement on our part too.

Well anyway thanks for the pictures and info on the kids. It seems like we live in another state and have to communicate like this. It's really very sad. Well one good thing if we do decide to move it won't make any difference. We don't have a relationship now and that's the way you like it so if we live further away it won't matter. Maybe the further the better for you right?

I'm surprised you sent this email actually. Of course an apology would have been nice too but I don't think we will ever get that from you. I hope you apologized to the girls for ruining their birthday party. You do realize that was your fault right? Well anyway thanks again for the videos and pictures. The girls both did a wonderful job I just wish we could be a part of their lives. I know we can't because you don't "trust your own parents judgement" I guess we did a really bad job with raising you to make you feel so untrustworthy of your own parents. Someday you will feel the way we feel right now. Then you will regret what you have done.

Love
Mom

It is statements like this: "I hope you apologized to
the girls for ruining their birthday party. You do realize that was your fault right?" that make it hard for me to trust your judgment with the kids. Sending my 9 year old daughter a letter telling her it's her mother's fault that she isn't seeing them makes it hard to trust your judgment. I haven't said one bad thing about you guys to the children. I have kept them out of this as best I can and only tell them that we are having an adult disagreement which has nothing to do with them or anything they have done.

I was simply trying to reach out with a little olive branch here by keeping you updated on what's going on with the children and I get slapped in the face with it. Is that my fault too? I have nothing to apologize to you for or my children for that matter. If I wasn't sure before that I made the right choice to put distance between us I am now.

I find it sad that you don't know me well enough to know that making this choice to keep you out of the children's lives for now was not an easy decision for me. All I ever wanted was my children to have grandparents in their lives, but I don't want it if it's going to be harmful to them. You treat me like I'm a naughty little girl who has disobeyed you and I'm not your little girl anymore. I'm a wife and a mother now and my husband and children will always come first.


Simply put your actions are appalling and I am unable to speak to you at this time. Things are not okay and I am done pretending that they are. I will no longer argue or justify my actions to you. When you truly understand that I am an adult and our relationship can not be the same as it was when I was a child then maybe we can try again. But you must understand that I will not be made out to be a bad person because I refuse to have my children in a hostile situation with you or because I allow my children to spend time with their father. If that means that your time with them is diminished then so be it because their relationship with their father and me are the most important relationships they have. Joe is my husband and he is not going anywhere. The sooner you realize that I think the better off we will be. He has a say in what the children do and I do need to consult with him and if I tell you no that should be the end of discussion. We are their parents and do not need the approval or agreement of anyone else in how we raise our children, nor will we permit anyone to undermine our authority.

Monica

P.S. Recently I wrote a list of 20 things I will Always do and on that list I wrote I will always love my parents. That is true, I will always love you guys, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything you say and do.

You are really good at taking things out of context. The note I sent to Natalie didn't say anything different then what you told them. I said you were mad at us and that is the truth you told them we are having a disagreement. The statements I made in my email were made to you not the girls so how does that make me have poor judgement with them? You really were being selfish when you didn't come to the party that day. How would you feel if you had planned a party, bought gifts, made gifts, made a cake and dinner and the people you invited tell you on the day of the party that they aren't coming? And you have the nerve to say that my actions are appalling? And why are you bringing Joe into this I never said one word about Joe in my email to you. This isn't about Joe this is about you and how you never return phone calls and how you scream and yell at your parents having no respect and then running away from your problems. Yes I said running away because whenever you don't like what we say you hang up the phone like a little child and you never try to work on the problems we have you just ignore them for months at a time then you think you can just send an email with pictures and that makes everything okay? Adults don't act that way. Adults work on their problems and find solutions. So where do we go from here? If you are going to ignore us for months again then I guess you are not the adult you claim to be. So it's up to you. Do you want to work on our problems or are you finished with us? Because your email doesn't sound like you want to have anything to do with us anymore. If that's the case let us know.

As far as your life with Joe goes I don't have a problem with that, why do you keep bringing that up? Of course Joe comes first, I'm not stupid. And why would you say anything about him making decisions I never said anything about that. You have always consulted him first so what's new about that? I have no problem with the two of you being parents making decisions about your children. I have a problem with anyone who disrepects their parents and the way you scream and yell at us is disrespectful. We don't do that to you. You even do it in front of your children. Did they ever tell you what they think about that? They told me. I didn't ask they just told me. So I guess they are learning what they need to learn from you not from us. So don't worry, our "poor judgement" didn't do anything to them but yours did.



Just remember that we are your parents and we love you that will never go away. You may not like it but it is true.



So I'm sorry for what ever I have ever done to you to make you think that you are better than me and that it's okay for you to treat me like the scum of the earth.



Love

Mom

Now I have written a reply to this, but haven't sent it yet. I want to mull it over and make sure it's exactly what I want to say, but here it is:

That's just it, you put all the blame on me for that party and still are. You have been disrespectful to me in the way you speak to me. And that day you were upset that things didn't go exactly as you had wanted them to go. I tried compromising with you so we could get together and it would work for everyone, but it wasn't good enough for you.

This whole thing has everything to do with Joe from what I can see. Do you happen to remember your comment to me about sometimes I act like Joe is going to die tomorrow or something? No, you probably don't remember that. Or I suppose I took that out of context too. If you have no problem with me discussing things with Joe then why do you get so upset with me every time I tell you no Joe wants to do something with the kids? You were still groaning about not getting to take Natalie that Friday night and having her spend the night because Joe wanted to spend time with his kids. That's why I said what I said.

I've been saying the same stuff to you over and over again for over a year now and you don't hear it so why would I return phone calls? Why wouldn't I yell out of frustration when I'm repeating myself over and over again to you? If the party was all set and ready to go then why was there so much sarcasm when I called to let you know exactly what time we'd be there? Think about this Mom. Any other person you invited to a party would have been given a time to be there, but I didn't get that from you and then you get all upset like I'm ruining plans that you had. If you wanted me there at a certain time then why not call me up and say, "Hey Monica we want to do this and this and this do you think you can get here at this time?" From what I can see none of this would have happened if I didn't get the disrespect from you and Dad that I got that day. And whether you want to believe you've been disrespectful or not it's exactly how I felt. The girls are perceptive and they are going to pick up on that tension.

Your note to Natalie was in terrible form. How would you feel if Grandma had written me a note when I was a child saying sorry I couldn't see you, but your mom wouldn't allow it? And why was the note only addressed to Natalie to begin with? I thought the party was for both of the girls. I kept them both from seeing you, but you didn't feel the need to tell Kaitlyn about her mommy being angry with you.

Perhaps you think my not responding to your nasty messages and e-mails as running away, but I view it as a time to take a break and heal. I've been sending you pictures of the kids all along here so it's not like I've completely cut all ties here all together. I honestly wouldn't change any way in which I've handled this situation. I'm sad that we aren't talking anymore, but I truly believe that as important as a grandparents relationship is anything that's going to destroy mine and Joe's relationship with the kids is not going to work. And that's exactly what our relationship with you has been doing.

I'm really not sure what you are referring to with Natalie seeing me disrespecting you. Perhaps that was from last year when Dad came over here with all sorts of demands in our home and was disrespecting me and Joe in our house. When I kept sending them out of the room and Dad kept calling them out. But you wouldn't know what happened then because you weren't up here. I have done my best to keep the kids out of this, but like I said they are perceptive. And this is exactly why I can't have this kind of stuff continuing. We have tried this time and time again, but I don't see anything having changed. I don't see any other way for us to have that close relationship until you can see that you have been disrespectful to me and have undermined my authority with my children.

Monica


They always find a way to get under my skin. I always feel so bad when the kids talk about grandma and grandpa and wishing they were there, but then it's things like this that pull me back to what the reality of our lives with them truly are.