Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Love Me and Miss Me; I'm Moving to TN

Will it ever end? Will my parents ever see that they are the ones who are pushing me away? Will they ever swallow their pride and their need to be right and just be loving parents? I'm beginning to think no.

My dad's birthday is on Sunday. I offered to take him out for dinner. Instead of graciously accepting my offer he chose to belittle me and tell me that we need to sit down and talk about things before we can go out to dinner. Over the past several years I have tried to talk to both my parents. I've spoken to my mom one on one. I've talked to both of them over the phone. I'm banging my head against a wall with them. No matter what I say it gets twisted around. I can't win. And I'm just saying the same stuff over and over again without ever actually being heard.

So my dad says to me tonight that he can't go out to dinner with me because we have so many issues to work out and until we do he can't do it. Everything is all my fault. I told him that I don't want anything to do with him, but I apparently didn't have a reason for ever saying that. I just continue to hurt them, but he loves me so whatever he does apparently is out of love. He was going on about how he loves me because I'm his child and he'll be here for me when I need him or I don't need him. So I said to him he can love me and miss me because we're moving to TN. Then I hung up.

He called back shortly after and left a message saying how I am being immature by hanging up on him and there is something seriously wrong with me. Not a single word about us moving to TN. Just that we need to work this out and he kept repeating that there was something wrong with me.

Well, I don't think we'll have time to work things out. Honestly, I think things have just gotten so bad that no matter what I do it's just wrong. They get mad at me if I don't acknowledge a birthday or Mother's Day or Father's Day and they get made at me when I do acknowledge these days. It's always something I do wrong and they have done everything right.

So sadly it looks like in a few weeks we will be moving and I won't get to say goodbye to my family. My children won't get to see their grandparents. And it's not because I didn't try to see them; it's because my parents are more concerned with "winning" that in the end we are all losing. Now isn't that a shame?

3 comments:

Unknown said...

oh HUGS. It is a shame. A big big shame.

Just keep praying for them. And yourself. ;-)

Erin said...

HUGS monica.... I am so sorry that they are STILL being like this... i think we were born from the same mold........

I am sorry.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Do you think maybe your dad didn't think you were serious? Like maybe he thought you were just trying to be dramatic to get him to talk to you? This is the first time you've mentioned TN, right? He was probably so shocked he didn't know what to think! LOL